It’s been year since I lost one of the (if not the) most important and influential person in my life. Some days it feels like only yesterday, and some days it feels like it’s been a century since she’s been gone. I shouldn’t say gone, I know she’s still around in some shape or form (I would have gone crazy by now if she weren’t). I’ve had plenty of dreams where we’ve just sat and talked and I’ve woken up sad but comforted; these are usually the days that I don’t come to school.
In all honesty it’s felt like eons until lately; lately it has felt like it just happened yesterday and my heart aches, so much. Then I remember my dog that just passed and the realization that my family of five from only 2 years ago is down to two. Thank God for my Lady, she makes the clouds leave my life; as cheesy as it may sound she is my light that keeps me going through thick and thicker. I don’t know how she does it but I love her all the more for it.
I keep myself busy most times just to keep the tears away. If there is something to do the mind can’t wander as much. My family tries to help but in all honesty none of us can or will know what the others are going through. My aunt and uncle lost their sister, my father his wife, my grandmother her daughter… It hurts me to think of what everyone is going through. She held our family together and that bond has stuck, at least for me. We’re getting together today to celebrate her life, something I know I try to do often, but wish with everything in me that I didn’t have to.
I also have to thank my friends, thinking of them brings a smile to my face; all the crazy (but safe) stuff we do gets me out of my head and a laugh that I honestly thought I would never hear from my mouth the moment I felt her spirit slip away, (Lady this includes you).
I miss you Mom and I love you so much. You are still the guiding light in my life and I pray everyday that your wisdom will carry on through me; I’ve never known anyone like you and I honestly don’t think I ever will. I’ll see you one day Mom and I’ll make you proud (not that is was hard to do). So one day, just not anytime soon. I love you Mom, I love you.